The only difference would be one of greater or lesser degree in individual cases" [ Ibid. This twofold answer must be the undoing of the defensive detachment, and making up for unmet needs" [ Ibid. That is the recovery process. Are you working on both sides of it? What are you doing to tear down the wall you built as a child—to resolve your anger and fear or hurt? How are you going about building friendships that will help meet the unmet needs of your childhood? What changes do you need to make in the way you are working your program to better insure finding freedom?
This can only happen through the fulfillment of such needs and the resolution of any barriers to such fulfillment" [ Ibid.
Steels: Metallurgy and Applications, Third Edition
We encourage you to order Dr. There is much we could not cover in this brief summary of this vital work that will stand you in good stead as you travel the road to freedom in Christ. It has given hope to countless men and women. Moberly has done those of us who struggle a great service and we recommend her work highly.
The Treasury Of David: Psalms 126-150, Volume 6 of 6
Not everyone who has been sexually abused struggles with homosexuality, but there is a great deal of evidence that being sexually victimized does play a significant role for many in the development of a homosexual problem. Robert Hicks states, " In counseling gay men for twenty years, I have not had one yet whom I would say had a normative childhood or normative adolescent development in the sexual arena. More often than not I have found stories of abusive, alcoholic, or absent physically and emotionally fathers: stories of incest or first experiences of sex forced upon them by older brothers, neighborhood men, or even friends.
I sometimes find these men have had early exposure to pornography, along with devastating experiences with the opposite sex wherein they were accused of violation, or were utterly rejected or refused sexually.
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I agree with Leanne Payne that most of the gay issues are, in fact, major identity issues that are the result of traumatic experiences that have created significant amounts of grief and loss in the gay's personhood For men, their masculinity was stolen, so they go looking for it in other men David Finkelhor found, "Boys victimized by older men were over four times more likely to be currently engaged in homosexual activity than were non-victims Once he labels himself homosexual, the boy may begin to behave consistently with the role and gravitate toward homosexual activity" [ Idem.
Robert L. Johnson and Diane K. Shrier reported on "a six year experience in an adolescent medicine clinic in which all medical interviews of adolescent males included questions about sexual molestation. Forty adolescent males reported sexual victimization during their preadolescent years.
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This study group of forty was compared to a randomly selected age-matched group whose responses were negative to the same questions" ["Sexual Victimization of Boys: Experience at an Adolescent Medicine Clinic," Journal of Adolescent Health Care , , p. Those who had been molested "identified themselves as currently homosexual nearly seven times as often and bisexual nearly six times as often" as those who had not been molested [ Ibid. These researchers suggest: "The boy who has been molested by a man may label the experience as homosexual and misperceive himself as homosexual on the basis of his having been found sexually attractive by an older man, particularly if he has had no opportunity to be reassured and relieved of his guilt and anxiety about his role in the molestation experience.
Therapists Wendy Maltz and Beverly Holman confirm, "Studies of boys who were sexually victimized by men do indicate that a high percentage of them relate homosexually as adults" [ Incest and Sexuality , p. Maltz suggests one reason: "Some survivors may adopt the orientation role of the abuse because they experienced sexual arousal during the abuse, and they may think that this arousal proves the orientation role they had in the abuse Our bodies respond to sexual stimulation regardless of the sex of the person doing the stimulation" [ The Sexual Healing Journey , p.
Others may react " against the abuse. A girl abused by her father, for instance, might Likewise, a Susan Forward and Craig Buck write, "Victims of homosexual incest typically suffer deep depression, self-loathing, both homosexual and heterosexual sexual problems, and confusion over their sexual identity" [ Betrayal of Innocence , p.
Jack Engler and Daniel Goleman state, "Victims of sexual abuse are prone to specific problems in close relationships ranging from an abiding sense of guilt to a lack of sexual desire or enjoyment. Some—particularly male victims of sexual abuse—have gender-identity difficulties" [ The Consumer's Guide to Psychotherapy , p. Justice, in their book The Broken Taboo: Sex in the Family , "state that many of the boy prostitutes and the men who buy sex from them have backgrounds of [being victims of] sexual abuse" [Jean Renvoize, Incest: A family pattern , p.
Kelly Weisberg, discussed in Weisberg's Children of the Night ] reports that nearly a third of all male prostitutes were sexually abused by someone in their families" [Joan J. Johnson, Teen Prostitution , p. Louise J. Kaplan notes, "Many pedophiles were sexually molested as children, and others were subjected to various other physical and mental abuses by their parents" [ Female Perversions , p.
Sexual abuse can cause sexual problems for both men and women. Ralph H. Gundlach, in a study of forty-eight lesbians compared with thirty heterosexual women, all of whom had been the object of rape or attempted rape, writes, "The most striking fact was that of 17 women molested in their childhood ages 4 to 15 by a relative or close family friend, 16 became homosexuals For women 16 years old and older who were raped, the proportion of homosexuals to heterosexuals is about the same" ["Sexual Molestation and Rape Reported by Homosexual and Heterosexual Women", Journal of Homosexuality , , p.
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Professor Diane E. Russell notes, "Clinical evidence suggests that one response to the trauma of incest is to turn away from heterosexuality and to embrace a lesbian orientation and life style" [ The Secret Trauma , p.
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Carol Ahrens, who has worked extensively with incest victims, writes, "I have seen, time and again, clear connections between early [physical and sexual] abuse and confusion in sexuality. And I cannot ignore the histories of the many women I've known who have survived one form of abuse or another and are also attracted to other women. Sexual abuse can and often does play a key role in the development of lesbianism" [ Ibid. Isaac, a twenty-six-year-old gay man who had been repeatedly abused by his brother and uncles, realized that the pain of low self-esteem had been igniting his desire for many sexual partners.
Through this kind of sex, he was unconsciously trying to 'prove' I used to try for large numbers—an even dozen encounters in a day. I was trying to cover for feelings of loneliness. Later I did massage for a living, which was basically masturbating men. I also made sadomasochism movies. It was good money and made sense at the time. I remember thinking it was a real thrill that the sex could be what does me in. Since I've stopped those behaviors, gotten off drugs, and been in incest recovery, I can see now that what I was doing was acting out all my abuse stuff—keeping it alive while slowly killing myself.
He had turned feelings of anger and betrayal meant for his offenders inward on himself. Not everyone who struggles with homosexuality has been sexually abused, and not everyone who has been sexually abused struggles with homosexuality. But if sexual abuse results in or exacerbates defensive detachment from one's same-sex parent, it can result in tragic problems and suffering [See Elizabeth Moberly, Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic ].
Nor is it necessary that the parent knew of the abuse. Rich Buhler notes, "A small child, overpowered by an adult either physically or emotionally hurts. From the midst of that pain, the child lets out an anguished cry, which says, 'Help! Somebody help me! Please help me! When help doesn't come, an overwhelming feeling of aloneness and powerlessness results. But Mom didn't come, and I felt angry and increasingly scared. Then, when some of what he was doing began to hurt, I screamed in my head, but not our loud, Please, somebody help me!
Somebody stop this man! Where is my mother? I have spent the rest of my life hating my mom. I have never relied on her for another thing'" [ Pain and Pretending , p. Trauma of any kind can have profound effects. We have gathered this information hoping it may help you understand the genesis of your struggle and encourage you to work through your issues.
Is there any sexual abuse in your background?
If so, our prayer is that you will say with one man, "If I'm gay because I was pushed into it by circumstances, I want to be what normal is. If it was not a free choice, then I don't want it" [Jennifer P. If you don't want it, you don't have to endure it! Try freedom! Wayne L. The wonderful changes which we see in HA are a result of God's using the truths of the gospel crystallized into the 14 Steps to introduce men and women into an ever increasing freedom from homosexuality.
The steps begin with "we" rather than "I".